Day 60 – Time To Grow Up

It’s time to grow up and start acting like a professional.

I spent last week sending out random love notes and books to clients, prospects and people I like. Even ‘wrote’ up a proposal for a new business owner prospect (by hand, in sharpie, on scratch paper I found in my office). Then spent the weekend playing in the snow. Sure I’m having a ton of fun, but if I want this venture to succeed I need to start getting serious, need to start acting like a professional.

Where does this fear come from?

That I need to show up as expected. That the people I want to work with are looking for a certain level of professionalism and if I don’t play at that level I’ll be finding myself short on clients.

Is it true?

Yes! and no. To call myself a professional in my field, to be respected and, more importantly, hired I need to deliver. What exactly that needs to look like, is a little more vague.

What could be just as true and would serve me?

My job. My ONE and ONLY job when working with somebody new is to do whatever it takes to knock them out of the circle, the round and round approach to life and business that has them stuck. To shift them out of whatever the mindset is that keeps them from reaching their goals. If that means hand writing letters, sending books over and over, calling them out point blank on their bullshit, crying with them, dreaming with them, then that is exactly what I need to do. Because that is what serves them and that is what they will pay me for.

Day 54 – Money Is Oxygen

How much to work with me?  It’s three thou…hundre…free.  It’s free.  Actually, I’ll pay you.

I would ask for money for my services.  I would ask clients to pay me, but that would be like asking them for their oxygen.  We all need money to survive, how dare I ask somebody to give me theirs!

Where does this fear come from?

The very real (feeling) understanding that there is a very direct correlation between money and being alive.  I can live 40 days without food, 4 days without water and 4 minutes without money (oxygen).

Is it true?

Not in the least!  Not only is money ONLY AN IDEA an idea that we humans came up with and then use to scare ourselves, but it only works when it flows in and then out of us again.

What is just as true and would serve me?

Money is not oxygen, but because people, my clients, myself, treat it like oxygen, it has the fantastic side effect of creating commitment.   I recently hired a new coach myself and paid more money to that coach than I ever have before.  That same week I generated more income than I ever had before.  Not because the new coach was so amazing (he is, but we hadn’t even begun our work yet), but because I was damned if I would spend that much on a coach and not prove to myself that this was a good investment.  I had to breathe out, to make that level of commitment, to take a bigger breath back in.  My clients aren’t paying me, they are investing in themselves, creating a commitment as strong as the guts it took to write the check.  That in itself has them play at a higher level and almost, in and of itself, guarantees their success.

Day 53 – I Don’t Know What To Do Next

I’ve got business block!

I sit here, looking at my calendar and it’s not as full as I would like (my bank account matches), but I’m not sure what to do next, what can I do to keep the momentum?  Without a plan I fear everything will grind to a halt, but as I rack my brain I’m coming up empty…

Where does this fear come from?

This is a planning fear.  A fear of the unknown, a fear that if I don’t have my whole life figured out RIGHT NOW it won’t play out the way that I want.

Is it true?

A few weeks ago I would have said yes.  Yes yes YES!  If you don’t have a plan, if you haven’t broken the big goal down into smaller goals and those into daily goals and time blocked and structured, then you are doomed to failure.  But now?  I’m not so sure.

What could be just as true and would serve me?

That to live that way, surrounded by my S.M.A.R.T. goals, with my time blocking and extreme focus, there is no room left for, well, magic.  When I look back on my life, at the events that shaped who I am and brought me to where I am today, most of them (including my two beautiful children) were not planned.  Contrary to all of my ‘business’ training and linear thinking approach, my best opportunities have come from both from sources I did not expect and, more importantly, in the moment.  What I NEED to do is have less of a plan and more time spent in the present.  When I live from this moment the next step will present itself.

Day 52 – I Can’t Seem To Fit The Mold

What approach do you use?  Who are you in this business?  What box do you fit into?

These questions keep coming up for me, both from prospects and other coaches.  I don’t know what to say, how to answer.  In a world of degrees, certifications and systems, I sometimes feel like… well, like my son must in his ballet class.  Each night at the end of practice they all put on costumes, invite the parents in to watch, and then let the music move them.  He’s out there, doing his thing, but not like the girls in class, no, he is most definitely a dragon among princesses.  I can see it’s hard for him sometimes, he knows that he doesn’t fit in, that he is different, but he’s also not willing to conform, that would be even worse.  But I wonder, that’s how you make it in this world right?  Find a group, a niche (that’s french for nitch) that you can dig down into.  I know there are people out there looking for what I do, but if I don’t fit the mold, if I’m too out there, they won’t want to work with me.

Where does this fear come from?

This is a fear that, for better or worse (ok worse) I share with a lot of people.  A fear that there is a ‘right’ way to do this business, an ‘accepted’ way to show up in my field.  And if I don’t play by the rules, I will find myself alone and broke.

Is it true?

Asking myself this question really blew the doors off the whole fear for me.  It all depends on who you ask.  What I found when really looking into it, was that the people who most want me to believe this IS true, the people who hold most strongly to having a ‘right way’ to do what they do, are also the ones struggling to make it.  While on the other hand, those who, either from the start, or at some point in their career said f*ck the rules, went on to be wildly successful.  So an answer?  Yes, it may be true that there is an accepted way, but not true that I need to follow it.

What is just as true and would serve me?

The minute I try to fit a mold, I stop trying to serve my clients.  My job, the job of anyone in business is to meet the needs of my clients.  The minute I start following a formula, I am sunk.  Not only that, but now I have just turned myself into a commodity, to be compared (mostly on price) to the closest competitor and there will always be someone cheaper.  So what do I do and how do I do it?  My most recent answer (it changes depending on the day of the week and who asks) was “I help people make an unreasonable amount of money.”  I’ve no idea where it came from, it just felt right to say at the time.  And their response… “I need that, when can we talk?”.

Day 43 – I Can’t Go Back On My Promise

You know that deal we just made? I’m going to need to go back on it, but only completely.

I made an agreement with a client and at the time it felt great. A win win for both of us, but now, looking back, I realize it may not work at all.  But if I try to change it how will that make me look?  What will they think?  What if they don’t want to work with me any further?

Where does this fear come from?

This is a social and a business fear.  A fear that I am going back on my word, out of integrity, and that it may cost me the business.  I fear that I will lose face trying to change the agreement.

Is it true?

The consequences could be true, I could lose the business.  The part where I am going back on my word, where I would lose face, that is a little more of a grey area.  That part is all inside of me, it can shift depending on how I frame the situation.

What is just as true and would serve me?

That this fear cost my my contracting business.  A sense of my word as my bond, where once I say something I would stick to it even when the scope and cost of work had moved well beyond our initial contract.  In this case, I was very clear with this client that we were creating agreements together and that at any time either of us could end OR renegotiate the agreement if it became something that was not serving us any longer.  AND the whole reason I want to change our agreement is to better serve my client.  I would actually be out of integrity not to make the change.  

Day 40 – The Well Has Run Dry

The well has run dry, there is nobody left to work with.

Found my mind wandering this evening during the all parent meeting at the kids school (by ‘mind wandering’ I of course mean hanging on every word) and the thought, the fear that crept up on me was that I have nobody left.  That while things have been picking up steam to the point where I have more conversations scheduled than I have room for I’ve also exhausted my network.

Where does this fear come from?

Where most fears do, lack of action.  It’s one of those frustrating laws of the universe that if you aren’t taking action toward those things in life that you want they tend not to come your way.  When I stop taking the actions to serve my prospective and current clients they stop showing up in my life.  WEIRD!

Is it true?

That I have run out of people?  No, but it can feel that way.  I had a similar experience when I was an insurance agent.  Thought I’d talked to everyone possible, that is until I walked out of my office (very hard to initiate conversations all alone behind a desk) and went into the world.  Turns out there were a lot of people out there who needed insurance and needed someone like me to help them with it.

What could be just as true and would serve me?

That I need to stop letting the emotional part of me run things.  That I need to tap back into my inner robot, the part of me that will simply carry out the actions I program in which will get a predictable result (but only always).  I need to stop living from what I feel (unless that feeling is awesomeness) and instead live by what I want, or what I know will move me towards what I want.  That will solve everything.

Day 36 – I’ve Lost My Motivation

What drives me may not be healthy, but it’s effective.  If I give that up, what will motivate me?

I started this project to explore the fears I had around my new adventure, as well as those my clients experience.  What I did not expect was to run out of material.  To run out of things to be scared of.  If I spend my life avoiding those things I don’t want, it may not be the healthiest approach, but it keeps me moving.  If I run out of things to be scared of, if I am okay with ANY circumstance, then why try at all?

Where does this fear come from?

Living a life of fear, not outright scared to death fear, but a life where you aim to not lose it is very simple.  I work to avoid going broke.  I pay the bills to avoid being sent to collections.  I save money so I can retire someday.  Fear pushes me, holds me up from behind, especially when I want to quit.  It is comfortable, always there and very effective.  If I lose that, I’m not sure I would keep going.

Is it true?

It is true that fear pushes me, makes me do those things I need to do.  Would I stop moving forward if I no longer had fear in my life, not courage, but simply absence of fear?  I’m not sure.

What could be just as true and would serve me?

That fear, or avoidance of fear has two sides, not just one.  Sure it holds me up from behind, but it also stands in front.  It motivates me to keep going, but stops me from really reaching.  If I give up the fear I can now effortlessly go for what I want.   I can live freely, creatively, I can achieve my goals because I want to.  I can achieve outrageous, impossible goals for no other reason than the fun of it.  Rather than losing my drive, it will increase.  Like a kid running full out for the sheer joy of it, my whole life can be that run.

Day 35 – Everyone Else Has It All Figured Out

Everyone around me has it so together, they’ve got it all figured out.  What if I never get to that place?

 

One thing I love about Facebook, or at least the friends I have on facebook, is how positive it is.  Getting to watch all these amazing people grow and do and make a difference in the world.  But sometimes, seeing all that, it gets me thinking.  When am I going to get there?  When am I going to have it all figured out?  What if I never do?

Where does this fear come from?

A vision I have of myself years from now still scrambling, still moving from project to project never settling on anything long enough to make it great.  That somehow, because I’ve not got it all figured out, my life cannot be complete and I won’t be fulfilled.

Is it true?

No, I don’t believe it is.  At least not all the time.  What has become so clear to me the more people I work with on a deep level is how much the experience of being human DOES NOT CHANGE that much between individuals.  Maybe there are times when we feel like we’ve got it all figured out, found our groove, but that isn’t necesarrily true for everyone.

What could be just as true and would serve me?

I don’t want to have it all figured out!  If I did, then where would all the fun be?  Like skipping ahead to the end of a good book, I know roughly how I want my life to turn out (just like I really hoped I would eventually find Spot) but it’s in the getting there that all the fun happens.  

Day 31 – Canadians

Canadians frighten me.  Not the people of course, they are far too nice, but their geese, now that’s another story.

Out for my run this morning I found one of these in my path.  It just sat there, ignoring me, until I got close.  Then there was hissing and flapping of wings and other noises too terrible to describe here.  I held my ground, for about 2 seconds, before taking a long detour across the grass (and goose poop).  The whole way I could feel it’s beady little eyes on me. *shivers*

Where does this fear come from?

That trip the the park with Grandpa when I was a kid.  Where I lost half my sandwich and almost a digit to one of these brazen creatures.  How frightening it is to face something that has no fear of you, that is noisy and big and aggressive.  Fear of any specific harm that would come to me?  No.  Maybe a fear of confrontation, or an old story about how I am powerless as I was as a child, maybe I was afraid of hurting Canada (did I mention how nice they all are?).

Is it true?

Hard to pin down the thought that brings on this fear.  Some fears, especially those that started when we were little can sneak in without a thought attached.  But no, whatever it is, it’s not true.

What could be just as true and would serve me?

That today on the trail, just as in other areas of my life, some things will show up that are big and noisy and aggressive and will trigger a sense of fear.  At least at first.  And I have the choice, the choice to feel that fear and NOT react, but instead to decide.  To decide what I would like to do.  Some days I may decide to run through the goose poop, others, I may bring home dinner.

Day 30 – I’ve Lost That Opportunity

Oh, I screwed up.  Guess that opportunity is gone.

Scheduled a meeting with a new prospect and then had to cancel once I realized I was booked on a flight that day.  How embarrassing!  Probably lost that client.  Better be willing to do whatever it takes to get them back.

Where does this fear come from?

That I must be perfect.  In fact that I must not only be perfect, but that the person I am considering adding to my practice holds all of the cards, they have the power.  

Is it true?

This all depends on where I am coming from.  If I am coming from a place of needing, of needing the business, of needing the money, needing more clients, then yes, it could be true.  But even then I am only guessing, making up a story really of what is going on in somebody else’s world.  

What could be just as true and would serve me?

That I had a friggin conflict and needed to reschedule!  How often does that happen on my end and I don’t think twice about it?  Why wouldn’t my prospect be the same way?  And if not, if for some reason this mistake has caused me to lose credibility then I’m not sure I could have coached them to begin with.

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